Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
