Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
