the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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