take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
