his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
