True but thats because hes a fetus.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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