we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
