i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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