he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
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