I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
