why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
