Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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