shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
