So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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