she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
