Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
