none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
