I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
