My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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