I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
