I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
