Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
