Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
