I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize