Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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