i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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