Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize