I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
soo... how was my night?
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