direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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