It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
