I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
