I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
