The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
So many bounce houses so little time
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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