it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize