hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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