She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Acid is not a monday night drug
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
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