i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Randomize
