i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize