After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
