omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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