he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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