just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
