He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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