I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
