Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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