so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
