i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
