i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
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