My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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