I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
