If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
