he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
