Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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