I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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