im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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