Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
