dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
