I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
