That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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