Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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