I love black thongs
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
We have started to decorate penises.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
