highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
