My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
