M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
