The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
