I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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