Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
