We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
