and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
