yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
