If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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