cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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