you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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