You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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